1969. I went to the Oklahoma state fair; I was 12. It was my first
foray into the world without adult surveillance. I had been so excited to go to
the fair without my Mom. A real rite of
passage in childhood development. After hours of wandering around on dirty
pavement, the noise, the crowd, and the carnival hucksters, I was beginning to
feel vulnerable. Distracted by the popcorn, corn dogs and cotton candy haze
that hung over the midway, I fell back behind my friends. I tried to ignore a queasy feeling, a rush of
impending doom, that troubled my mind. I
fought hard against imagines of rides collapsing or defective seat bars
unlatching, throwing me to my hideous death below.
Suddenly my friends were hurrying toward the ticket kiosk for the
freak show, much to my dismay. I paid my 50 cents for the ticket, dreading
climbing the metal stairs into the elevated tent. With every step I was faced
with the fantastic cheap paintings of the sights to delight within. I felt sick and was angry that I had to
follow along to gaze at the horribly deformed humans. Freaks were just as bad
as the midway rides. I half expected
that their deformities were contagious.
It was dark inside and the hype of the unknown quickly faded into stupid
costumes, mild irregularities, to downright bullshit - my relief was immense.
And then there was the wasted 50 cents.
Ah, but into the daylight just outside the dim lights of the Freak
show tent, I was instinctively drawn to
the bold colors of a tent with a painted gypsy with her crystal ball. I pulled my friend Sherry along, this time
leading the way. I experienced an
intuitive feeling that the fortune teller was why I'd been meant to come to the
fair. What girl doesn't want her fortune told?
Sherry and the others pushed ahead to be the first to have their palm
read. I was last to go inside, and
didn't mind, after all, I didn't want to
rush my gypsy. Sherry and the others
were told wonderful predictions of happy marriages, great careers and
wealth. I couldn't wait to hear the
same. I sat down, and my gypsy took both my hands and held them. She
hesitated before she began and gazed a little too long in my eyes. I was
a little afraid of her. Perhaps she
really could read my soul. I put my
entire trust in her, what did she see there?
She tried to start but muttered and then tried to speak again. She told Sherry and the others to wait
outside, they were being too noisy she said.
"You have a great secret, it is deep inside, but you may not
know of it just yet. There has been some harm in it, but harm has long passed.
Can you feel it, or is it known to you?"
I shook my head no. I wasn't sure
if this was what I came for. "What
do you mean?" "What kind of
secret, and when will I know?"
"Honey, that which I told you is all I know. Spirit's message has been delivered, I don't
know any more." "Maybe tell
your girlfriends that you're going to marry a millionaire." I laughed about it of course, but I never
forgot.
